Today at this time 30 years ago, I was not aware that my life was changing for ever. I still remember the moment. The moment that I spent talking for hours for the last time in my life to my mother on the phone. I was 23 years old, my mother just turned 50.
I was still studying, finishing the last weeks as an intern before I got my diploma. I was making big plans for my life. The world was at my feet. I wanted to live in Italy, wanted to travel. I had so many possibilities in front of me, so many options to choose from. I was happy, secure, lucky and enjoying life.
30 Years ago at this hour, the astral sky looked like this: Uranus (stationing direct) was conjunct Neptune (retrograde) both at 18° in Capricorn, conjunct my natal Eros in the 2nd house. Mercury made an exact quincunx to my natal Mercury in my 5th house, ruler of my 7&9th house. Venus exact conjunct Chiron at 2° Virgo 9th house, opposite my natal Pholus in Pisces 3rd house. Lilth exact conjunct my natal Chiron at the IC. Transiting Saturn makes an exact sesquisquare to my natal Moon at the MC and a quincunx to my natal PlutoRX in the 9th. Pluto in Scorpio transiting my 12th house.
The Moon was transiting in Capricorn at 15° and in applying aspect to Uranus and Neptune. The last few hours of opportunity to talk before our time stopped and my life changed radically and my mother's stopped. If only I knew, I didn't know.
On the 26th I was notified that my mother was found unalive at home. Time stood still, it froze, I froze. I was taken into another world. A world away from the living. It felt I entered a twilight zone.
I knew and feared my whole life that my mother was dying unexpectedly. An agonizing feeling which I couldn't share with anyone as I tried to talk to my father about it, but he said not to worry so much.
The days after the news I was living between different dimensions. I had lucent dreams, I was afraid entering my home, afraid to go to the morgue. My life just collapsed. I needed to sell the house, arrange a funeral, arrange all documents, store all the furniture and household goods. Everything I needed to pack and store. In a split second of universal time I lost my mother, my house, my safe haven, my security, my roots, my hometown. I lost it all. I was angry, as life just went on and mine was just frozen, scattered, broken.
Today I am 53 years old, a mother myself, 3 years older than my mother was given. Life was taken and life was given. Is it a coincidence that my daughter is a Capricorn with a stellium (Sun, Mars, Asc, North node, Pluto) arround the same degrees of that moment? Only the Universe knows. That split second decided by the Universe that my route was going to change for ever has been a red thread of challenge within my life. It is written in my chart, it was just a matter of transits to activate my lot, my destiny.
Chiron in Aries exact conjunct the IC at 7°.
Song: Neil Diamond - I am I said
"I am"... I cried"I am"... said IAnd I am lost and I can'tEven say whyLeavin' me lonely still
Machrifa - Deebedee - Amana
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